Wednesday, February 23, 2005

haiya. common test times r here again. sian lar... all my first common tests so far.. are.... like... i dunno wad to sae.. chem is.. hahaha.. lets juz sae its gonna be easy marking my paper... chem n econs is.. hmm.. hoping to pass? yeah... bleahs.. oh wells... nvm... nxt week got math test... and its like.. i onli noe half the topics tested and they r not the veri sure kind.. well well well... good luck to me once again! =p wadever. im not gonna sae animore.
and once again. im hating my life. sometimes i juz wanna go somewhere to scream n shout. hmm maybe one of these daes i shud go to the beach or something. then stand at the breakwater there n yell. wonderful. this is another item on my 'one fine dae' list of stuffs to do. already there r million of things on that list. i will need many fine daes... haiz.. oh wells...
sometimes i feel so alone n hopeless.. i dunno wad to do. its like.. i also dunno how to sae... i wud rather hide myself somewhere... and not face the world. i wan a corner in which i can hide myself away. my escape from reality. yes. i juz wanna withdraw into my own shell. call me anti-social or a freak or wadever. but thats how i am. yup.
i tink the older i get the more cynical n sceptical i get... and the more pessimistic. i dunno y... although on the outside i alwaes seem the happy kind.. alwaes smiling n luffing... and alwaes telling pple to look on the positive n bright side of things... but deep down im not. i cant seem to do it myself. i can onli tell pple that but i cant do it. its hard. my smiles r my covers. my laughters are my shells. oh ok.. maybe the description isnt so rite.. but yeah u get my meaning. eew... i sound like a totally sick person. im sorrie. but sometimes thats juz how i feel..... im sorrie. sad and useless person i am. im juz here to waste space on earth and to be an additional source of competition for oxygen and excess provider of carbon dioxide.
i tink i will still get affected. easily. thats scary. yet sad. arghs. my entries r abit sad lately. im sorrie. shall try to return to my normal crapping blogging self soon. tataz~

-[ leFt al0ne... ]- @11:09 PM

Sunday, February 20, 2005

...ohh... my blog got hacker!! = hahas... thnx eileen my dear couz for that previous entry... bleahs... =p HAHAZ. >.<"
hmm.. aniwaes.. spent my late morning and afternoon baking cookies... they turned out nice and yummy... like those mrs fields and subway ones! yay! haha... they were moist yet crispy on the outside.. woohooos! so happie... =) i enjoyed eeating them as much as baking them. alot of choc chips! chocolate chip oatmeal cookies!! *grinz*
hmm then went aunts n cousins house.. wanted to watch movie wif couz todae de.. but in the end.. din go.. cos i tink it wud haf ended too late.. and i had to go home before that.. yups.. but was tinking of watching either constantine or hide n seek.. both shows look so nice! oh wells... guess i hafta catch them another dae... movie timings on sundaes are not good at all.. the gap between each one is too long...
tmr got econs n gp test.. and we r selling ice cream! yays! must come buy! hahas. =)

-[ leFt al0ne... ]- @8:45 PM

dunno whether to watch constantine or not... haizz... i think can make it leh... hahaz.... anywaez... i also dunno wat to say... cos ... i told myself not to type.. today, i m wearing pink half polo t-shirt with a picture of a monkey running...n a blue bermudas... ohhh... n its frm 777~! wow~! oh wait... blur me.. its 37 degrees.. lol... how funny... eileen juz told me its 37 degrees... now, i m answering phone calls... cos my mom is so zzzzzz.. looking at my tan.. aiyoz... so red.. so hot.. aiyoz....eileen's phone is so corrupted.. hahaz.. im going to post this le.. wahahaha....

-[ leFt al0ne... ]- @4:32 PM

ok.. so todae was the funfair... woke up late at like 8am. we were supposed to meet at 745am. hahas. i woke up suddenly.. then i was like.. shit! y izit so bright?! shit! its 8am! shit shit shit! hahas... then eileen was like asking me how many times i shitted in the morning... the ans is.... alot. hahas.. =p i got ready in like under ten minutes. had to wake dad up to drive me to sch. cos by the time i walked to the mrt station n got the train.. i will be damn late le.. yups. but then when i reached sch i realised that nobody will care if ur late anot todae.. hahaz. oopz. =p oh but nvm.
aniwaes... our class was put in charge of the gyrotron. at the beginning nobody came.. so we were all like playing it among ourselves. it was fun.. after i got off the thing. but when u were up there rotating upside down left right n everywhere... its not so fun. i was practically screaming my head off up there. it was spinning so fast. and i din dare open my eyes... hahas. i juz closed my eyes n yelled at the top of my voice. but when i got off the gyrotron.. my legs were so damn wobbly.. cudnt walk properly.. and my arms ached from grabbing the bars too hard. haha heck. it was fun. hmm but todae was probly the dae when i realli yelled from inside of me. i guess.. according to eileen.. its a good time to fa xie. let out all my anger n frustrations... yup. it felt good to juz scream. cos after that.. we were screaming for anybody who went onto the gyrotron.. hahas... we all juz stood there n screamed. i dragged edmund to try it. but his din spin that fast. in fact it was quite slow. then cos i was telling him to scream for all he wanted.. so.. he juz went 'ahhhh...' so fu yan. hahas. i guess it was no kick for him.. he said itz cos he too heavy. hahas. perhaps. piggie. =p
hmm then walked ard the funfair... i tink we spent the dae looking for ice cold drinks... spent all the coupons on that lar basically.... yups. todae was so damn hot! arghs. oh yes. love the coconut! me and my old coconut and ruina wif her young coconut. hahas.. =P
and serena came wif her frens!! she was hiding under the potted plant at the foyer... cos it was so hot. she looked farnie there. hahas.. then she went to find pple.. and then i showed her ard the sch... we were luffing at the band singing the reason n vindicated... ok i tink its evil... but the singer cannot reach the high notes... and the whole song sounded quite monotone... oh aniwaes.. but shes still the same old serena.. from wad i gather from her frens as well... hahs.. hafen changed abit.. hahas... =p *hugz* its then i realised how much i missed the old cedar daes... wif her chermaine n amy... when we were juz laming n crapping ard... serena making her usual 'oh-so-not-farnie' jokes... and yet we luff cos of her infectious laughter... or even when in class... during lessons... she nv fails to keep us entertained wif her nonsense. haiz.. miss it. miss them. miss my sec sch life.. yeah... were tings simpler n happier then? perhaps.
hmm so yeah.. todae was quite fun.. =) yups! it wasnt as boring as i expected it to be... hahas... hmm.. saw some teachers' kids... veri cute! hahas... =) nice dae nice dae. yeah. =) BUT. it was towards the end then i realised i was terribly sunburnt. my nose was horribly red. my cheeks too.. though my nose was the worst. my lower arms were cooked. and my thighs were too. got the shorts line. shudnt haf walked ard in shorts. shud haf worn my skirt back. arghs. and i haf a whole new neckline.. arghs. so horrible.. and it was during lunch that i realised my burns were super uneven.. im juz full of lines lar. hahas. oh btw i tried subway for the first time todae. its nice! dun mind eating that again somedae! yays!! =) and they haf the 15 cm n 30 cm bread. and i was like.. wow wun u be eating one long rulers worth of bread. wow. hahas. the cookies were yummy too!! and todae... lemon tea nv ever tasted better. a hot dae does wonders in making u appreciate cold drinks. and back to my sun burn.. yes its SUPER uneven. got alot of divisions... white areas here and there.. its half half here and there...arghs. now my nose hurts. alot. arms too. my arms r like.. so hot lor. the metal bar in the mrt train felt so shuang against it. man i looked like i was either crying or i haf serious flu. or rudolph. whichever. im the well done lobster. ruina n eileen are the medium rare lobsters. sze mun n eileen agreed that nobody cud go any redder than me. hahas. horrible. haiz. pain. hot. ouch. owww......

-[ leFt al0ne... ]- @12:34 AM

Friday, February 18, 2005

hmm.. past midnite le... supposed to read thru for chem pre spa tmr.. no. later todae.. but no mood... hahas.. shall juz hand up wadever i can churn out i guess.. hahas... actually came online wif one purpose... which is to do the econs online mcq test thingy.. but i ended up chatting.. and doing all sorts of other stuffs.. and now im typing here... yeah.. bleahs.. tmrs the deadline.. must rmr to do. yes. reminder to self. =) hmm.. anwiaes.. cny has passed... had fun wif my dear cousins.. love u guys.. *hugz* and the spastic fotos we took.. hahas.. then.. vdae.. nth special.. thnx to u guys for the gifts! =) spent the dae eating chocs n sweets.. but our classroom was so hot the chocs melted. and a mon cheri so kindly decided to leave its mark there on my chem notes. not the choc mark. the grease mark. thats y its kinda blackish. hahas. oh had chem test on vdae too. that sucked. gonna flunk like crazy.. din realli study. so cant realli blame anione.. yups... = hmm.. feeling weird these daes.. am i being too sensitive or paranoid? dun tink so. oh wells.. i dun tink im cynical abt life.. juz that i tink too much.. but do i realli? sometimes i tink im too sensitive. pple tell me that too... but... haiz.. nvm. im juz tired of all this. gdnite.

-[ leFt al0ne... ]- @12:01 AM

Sunday, February 13, 2005

if i had words.. to make a day for u..
i'd sing u a morning.. golden and true..
i would make this day last for all time..
and give u the night.. deep in moonshine..

nice song.. quite cute. hahas. was watching babe this afternoon and thot the lyrics were nice..

-[ leFt al0ne... ]- @12:56 AM

Saturday, February 05, 2005

i haf a question i haf been wanting to ask for very long le... does everyone wear masks? do they alwaes put up fronts... to hide their emotions? izit true? cos sometimes u can feel it if someone is hiding behind a false front... i noe i sometimes do that... call it escaping from reality.. but.. its much easier... fine.. call me a coward or wadever.... but im juz a person hu hides the true feelings.. i dun let them out. yup. so can anyone answer me? is wearing a mask to face the world ok?

-[ leFt al0ne... ]- @1:54 AM

Friday, February 04, 2005

im tired. again. as usual. of myself. doing what i do. im tired of.. me. i just.. feel so.. shitty. darn it.
anw. had spa todae. hope i write all the correct stuffs.. i was so tired writing halfway.. i cudnt take it.. i juz rushed thru the rest of the thing then slumped on the table n went to slp. yups. oh and i had quite a fun time decorating the classroom todae.. painting the chicks n hen... i like my hen.. veri cute.. hahas.. and the chicks which look like bloody peanuts from far.. when they werent outlined yet.. hahas.. oh.. and ruina! the mountains r nice! i like the shades.. and its GREEN! hahas.. =) hmm then had guitar pract todae.. and so embarrassing.. cos got pple filming ard the school. and we ended up playing a short version of the cny song.. the gong xi gong xi gong xi ni one.. yar... hahas.. i tink we all looked pretty farnie.. no.. the events that led up to that small little performance was pretty farnie too.. hahas.. yups.. nites.


TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED. TIRED OF BEING ME. SICK OF HOW I FEEL. SICK OF WHAT I DO. and no i dun tink its pms.

-[ leFt al0ne... ]- @11:16 PM

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

im kinda juz so tired nowadaes.. both physically and mentally.. why? i dunno. sometimes i feel angry at small things.. wanna scream n shout n lose my temper. juz lash out at things.. haiz. nono.. theres no need to send me to woodbridge or anithing.. i tink this is juz a phase that will pass.. yups...

-[ leFt al0ne... ]- @6:51 PM